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Gig Haikus

  Gig Haikus


       Squeaking and squawking
       All eyes roll to the heavens
       The clarinet speaks
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       One beat to change from
       Harmon to cup to bucket
       Hey, who wrote this s**t?
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       The jam session starts
       Somebody calls "Giant Steps"
       Cold fear grips my brain
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       Here's the girl singer
       Stepping to the microphone
       Pitch, Time, All gone now
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       Gig is going well
       Some jerk requests "In the Mood"
       I look at my watch
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       I once had a dream
       Big house, new car, big money
       Now I play the bass
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       Gorgeous chick tells me
       "You sound just like Kenny G"
       My ego shatters
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       Three-eight, eleven-eight
       Damn you Andrew Lloyd Webber
       Five-eight, seven-eight
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       The woodwind doubler
       Practicing the piccolo
       Frustration defined
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       Pit orchestra gig
       Days and nights become as one
       I have no damned life
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       Bad intonation
       Strings are sharp and reeds are flat
       Brass too loud again
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       Great changes, good groove
       A one-in-a-million gig
       No singer. Yippee!
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       An oxymoron:
       "He played the accordion
       With delicacy"
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       The accordion
       "Squeeze box," yes, but more often
       "The Stomach Steinway"
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       Bassoons forever
       Try in vain not to sound like
       A farting bedpost
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       The strings slowly tune
       When they're done the unisons
       Are anything but
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       "I can't find my note"
       Bemoans the confused singer
       Quit now," we all pray
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       The contractor calls
       Months of Andrew Lloyd Webber
       "Bird Lives" no longer
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       Money's everything
       Playing any gig that comes
       Whores, we are all whores
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       That plate of hors d'oeuvres
       Cost more than we're getting paid
       Think we underbid?
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       Break time is over
       Rest of band is returning
       Now for that phone call
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       Rock drummer, lounge keys
       Classically trained singer
       Welcome to sub hell
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       God bless trust fund gigs
       Only have to eat ramen
       For a few more weeks
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       My drummer helped me
       Count the syllables

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